Bereavement is the period after a loss during which grief is experienced and mourning occurs. The time spent in a period of bereavement depends on how attached you were to the person who died, and how much time was spent anticipating the loss.
Grief can present itself in many ways. It can be difficult and stressful and it can take time to process emotions and adjust to coping without that person in your life. To begin with, you may experience shock and disbelief. It is also common to feel emotionally numb for some time afterwards. Everyone copes with grief in different ways. Some people cry a lot or talk to friends; others will deal with things quietly, by themselves. A person may cope well with their experience of grief, or find it difficult to manage. It might only take a short while for your mood to settle. Then again, it might take a lot longer than that to get back on track. The strongest emotions will gradually reduce in intensity and frequency over time. You might come across obstacles to the grieving process which can make it more difficult to process and deal with. You might not realise at the time, but you might be coping with your loss in a “normal “way, but what is normal?
Some people can cope well with difficulties, whilst others find it very hard to manage. There can be feelings of anger or guilt following a loss and you might think that you could have done more or feel in some way responsible for what happened. It is also common to feel quite low and vulnerable at such times. The situation might also remind you of other sad feelings, memories or past experiences. You may find that you think more negatively about yourself, the future and other people. It is important that you recognise such unhelpful thoughts in order to cope more effectively.
Cruse Bereavement Care offer a resource booklet specifically for men called “Help and hope for men living with loss”
It can be downloaded in pdf format from their website www.cruse.org.uk/northern-ireland
In the book they highlight the importance of taking care of yourself following bereavement and recommend you take the following steps
- Talk to others about the person who has died, about your memories and your feelings
- Eat properly and try to get enough rest
- physical activity can help lift your mood and help you sleep better. This could be a simple activity like walking or gardening
- try to develop a network of people you can call or be with
- allow yourself time and permission to grieve
- recognise that grieving is a process and that there will be setbacks
- try and develop a routine of things to do, this will give your day some structure
DO NOT
- turn to alcohol or drugs, these are only temporary solutions with wider implications
- keep your emotions bottled up
- isolate yourself
- feel guilty if you are struggling
- think you are weak if you need help
At male menu we felt it would be beneficial to collate information on support groups relative to your loss, be it through cancer, car accident or suicide. Hopefully they will be able to assist you or connect you with others at this emotional time in your life.
- Brake care Bereaved by road traffic collision www.brake.org.uk Helpline 0808 800 0401
- Cruse Bereavement Care www.cruse.org.uk National Helpline 0808 808 1677 NI Office 028 9079 2419
- Griefshare www.griefshare.org (submit postcode and it will advise groups in your area)
- Lifeline 0808 808 8000
- Minding Your Head https://www.mindingyourhead.info/
- Marie Curie Bereavement Service https://www.www.mariecurie.org.help Support Line 0800 090 2309
- The Samaritans www.samaritans.org Helpline 116 123
- WAVE Trauma Centre Bereaved by violence www.wavetraumacentre.org.uk Tel 028 9077 9922
Supporting Bereaved Parents
- AnamCara www.anamcara.ie Tel 00353 1404 5378 Mobile 00353 85288 8888
- Child Bereavement UK www.childbereavementuk.org Tel 0800 0288 840
- Child death helpline www.childdeathhelpline.org.uk Tel 0800 282 986 or 0808 800 6019
- Compassionate Friends www.tcf.org.uk Tel 028 9265 2550 Tel 028 8778 8016
- Cruse Child Bereavement Service Interactive website for 12-18’s www.hopeagain.org.uk Tel 0808 808 1677
- Life after Loss www.lifeafterloss.org.uk
- Meningitis NOW www.meningitisnow.org Tel 0808 801 0388
- Miscarriage Association UK https://www.www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/ Helpline 01924 200 799
- SANDS Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Charity www.uk-sands.org NI Helpline 077 4099 3450
- SIDS Sudden Infant Death Syndrome www.lullabytrust.org.uk Helpline 0808 802 6868
Bereaved by Suicide
- Lighthouse organisation www.lighthouseireland.org 028 9075 5070
- Niamh Louise foundation www.niamhlouisefoundation.com 028 8775 3327
- PIPS suicide prevention www.pipschartiy.com Helpline 0800 088 6042
Supporting Children
- Barnardos Child Bereavement Support Service www.barnardos.org.uk/childbereavementservice Advice Line 028 9066 8333
- Child Bereavement UK www.childbereavementuk.org Tel 0800 028 8840
- Childhood Bereavement Network www.childhoodbereavementnetwork.org.uk Tel 020 7843 6309
- Childline www.childline.org.uk Tel 0800 1111
- Cruse Bereavement Care, Youth www.hopeagain.org.uk National Helpline 0808 808 1677 NI Office 028 9079 2419
- Kinship Care Northern Ireland (Keeping families together) www.kinshipcareni.com Helpline 0800 022 3129
- Winston’s Wish Charity for bereaved children www.winstonswish.org.uk Tel 0808 802 0021
- Family Trauma Centre www.familysupportni.gov.uk/listing/camhs-family-trauma-centre-belfast-trust-2/ Tel 028 9504 2828
Practical Support
- Age Concern Northern Ireland www.ageuk.org.uk Tel 0800 169 6565 or 0800 678 1174
- Alzheimer’s Society www.alzheimers.org.uk Helpline 0300 222 1122
- Bereavement Register www.the-bereavement-register.org.uk Tel 0800 082 1230 (Registering details to stop unwanted direct mail)
- Social Services Bereavement Service Tel 0800 085 2463
- The Bereavement Trust offers comfort, support and practical advice to the bereaved from 6pm until 10pm every evening of the year.
- Phone: 0800 435 455
Have you recently suffered a loss and have no one to talk to? Please start the conversation.