Bereavement is the period after a loss during which grief is experienced and mourning occurs. The time spent in a period of bereavement depends on how attached you were to the person who died, and how much time was spent anticipating the loss.

Grief can present itself in many ways.  It can be difficult and stressful and it can take time to process emotions and adjust to coping without that person in your life.  To begin with, you may experience shock and disbelief. It is also common to feel emotionally numb for some time afterwards.  Everyone copes with grief in different ways. Some people cry a lot or talk to friends; others will deal with things quietly, by themselves. A person may cope well with their experience of grief, or find it difficult to manage. It might only take a short while for your mood to settle. Then again, it might take a lot longer than that to get back on track. The strongest emotions will gradually reduce in intensity and frequency over time. You might come across obstacles to the grieving process which can make it more difficult to process and deal with. You might not realise at the time, but you might be coping with your loss in a “normal “way, but what is normal?

Some people can cope well with difficulties, whilst others find it very hard to manage.  There can be feelings of anger or guilt following a loss and you might think that you could have done more or feel in some way responsible for what happened. It is also common to feel quite low and vulnerable at such times. The situation might also remind you of other sad feelings, memories or past experiences. You may find that you think more negatively about yourself, the future and other people. It is important that you recognise such unhelpful thoughts in order to cope more effectively.

Cruse Bereavement Care offer a resource booklet specifically for men called “Help and hope for men living with loss”

It can be downloaded in pdf format from their website www.cruse.org.uk/northern-ireland   

In the book they highlight the importance of taking care of yourself following bereavement and recommend you take the following steps

  • Talk to others about the person who has died, about your memories and your feelings
  • Eat properly and try to get enough rest
  • physical activity can help lift your mood and help you sleep better. This could be a simple activity like walking or gardening
  • try to develop a network of people you can call or be with
  • allow yourself time and permission to grieve
  • recognise that grieving is a process and that there will be setbacks
  • try and develop a routine of things to do, this will give your day some structure

DO NOT

  • turn to alcohol or drugs, these are only temporary solutions with wider implications
  • keep your emotions bottled up
  • isolate yourself
  • feel guilty if you are struggling
  • think you are weak if you need help

At male menu we felt it would be beneficial to collate information on support groups relative to your loss, be it through cancer, car accident or suicide.   Hopefully they will be able to assist you or connect you with others at this emotional time in your life.

 

Supporting Bereaved Parents

Bereaved by Suicide

Supporting Children

Practical Support

  • The Bereavement Trust offers comfort, support and practical advice to the bereaved from 6pm until 10pm every evening of the year.
  • Phone: 0800 435 455

 

Have you recently suffered a loss and have no one to talk to?  Please start the conversation.